Every few months I gather up the nerve (and stomach) to clean out my refrigerator. It wouldn’t be quite as disturbing if I’d just dump the science projects directly into the trash. Unfortunately, the guilt of wasting food (as well as a virulent case of the Jewish) has me convinced that the least I can do is recycle the containers in which my plague-ridden leftovers reside.
Here are seven of the most vomit-inducing moments in Weenie refrigeration history:
1. Is it a shrunken head, or is it a lime?
2. I don’t think cottage cheese is supposed to be pink…
3. Honey, there’s a decomposing finger in the freezer.
4. “Name That Puddle”
5. Why does this white ball smell like foot?
6. Is that a zucchini in your crisper, or are you just suffering from syphilis?
7. Remember the missing avocado from last summer? Neither do I.
One might think I’d learn my lesson and clean out the fridge more often, but then what would I have to submit to the Oxford Journal of Infectious Diseases? Plus, I might be growing another cure for syphilis. (Then again, I might be growing another version of syphilis.)
Being a scientist is such a burden.